Happy Endings...

Hola! My lovely readers, 

Hope you're all well, here's my thought for the day:

I believe that our attitudes have been spoiled by happy endings.

I'm sure we've all heard the phrase:

 "It'll be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, then it's not the end" 

I'm not in anyway disagreeing with that statement, it's a great encourager to keep going through tough times because things will work out for good! But it's the "end" that I have a problem with, we focus so much on the happy ending that we negate the blessings before, especially if we don't get the ending we hoped for. If things don't end well we right it off as bad, completely ignoring the good that came out it of it! 

Now don't get me wrong I love a happy ending as much as the next person but it's not exactly how life works out, it’s not all riding off into the sunset on a white horse, accompanied by a musical number, for absolutely no known reason... So if we keep holding out for the happy endings we're likely to be disappointed, instead we need to live a little bit more in the moment, not waiting till the ending to see the good but rather looking for the blessings in the here and now, because not everything works out for good, but you can work out the good in everything.

Now speaking of endings this is the end of this blog, as I turn the page into another new chapter it's time I closed this one, I'm moving on again so time to start a new blog, if you're interested let me know so I can send you a link as I won't be able to post it publicly...

Adios Amigos!

New Years Eve, Here We Are Again.

Okay, well that wasn't quite what I had in mind...

With very little time left in 2016 I'm looking back and it's very easy to see it as a big picture which looks as if it's been painted with a horrible colour and its just a big muddy mess, however, I feel myself challenged to look closer and find the beauty amongst the crap. 

So first of all I want to list some of the great blessings this year has brought, 

• A new job, in the area that I actually want to work in, I can now call myself a Filmmaker, I've loved being able to develop my skills this year and build up my CV and even managed to buy my own camera only a few weeks ago! 

• My beautiful Sister's and my new brother-in-law's wedding in April was such a wonderful day, it was so amazing to see 2 people so in love and so happy starting their life together, and so special to be a part of their day!

• My parents have blessed me enormously this year, it's no great secret that I've hated having to move back to Ashby and to move back in with my parents, but looking back I've complained so much I think I might have actually forgotten to thank them and that so appalling to me! I couldn't have survived this year without their support, care (especially when I was ill) and their provision. So from the bottom of my heart a huge thank you to them, and I promise I'll be out of you hair soon! 

• I'm also really grateful to the friends around me, who due to being back in the midlands I've been able to grow closer too, whether it's getting coffee in one of the many coffee shops Ashby has to offer, or creating fun memories, or having/ being a shoulder to cry on, I count my friends as one of my greatest blessings!

Right next things are the lessons learnt this year, it's said you learn a new one every day, but i'll just name a few out of the 365:

• Firstly - this is a bit of a confessional- don't drink the night before work. Sounds like an obvious one right, but apparently I needed to learn this one the hard way, but I did and I'm much wiser for it! 

• Patience, seems like this is a lesson that's not a learn once and got it, it's an ongoing training, and I seem to need a lot! This year has taken a lot of patience, particularly to get through the months when I physically couldn't do anything, but I've come out of it stronger.

• Okay this is the 'deep' one: to "Be the Change You Want to See in the World". It seems I've done a lot of rants, on Facebook especially, this year. It's not surprising really, from the British Bake-Off to the T-word its not been a great year, but something I've leant is that complaining about it doesn't change anything. If I'm not happy with the world, and I want it to change, I can't just sit around waiting for it to happen, it has to start with me.

Okay so that's enough looking back, now to finish I'm going to look forward, with things I'm hoping for or looking forward to in 2017

• Well to start off I'm beginning the year with - what's becoming a bit of a tradition - a trip to Dublin. This is a particularly exciting trip though because its another Wedding for another beautiful lady!  

• As much as I know that I needed to spend this year in Ashby, I know I don't belong here, I'm not completely sure where it is I do belong, but I do believe that there is a plan for my life and so I'm looking forward to where that takes me.

• The fore mentioned new camera is also a hope for the new year, a new toy to play with, to explore my creativity and imagination, watch this space for films!

So there it is, 2016 almost over, 2017 just beginning, I don't know what it will hold but I can't wait to find out. I found a quote recently which sums up my 2016 very well, and has given me great hope for 2017:

"Let her sleep, for when she wakes, she will move mountains"

No Moan November...Starting in September.

Hello lovely readers 

I hope you don't mind, but It's confession time. I'm taking a stand and making an active move to change my mood. I've noticed that I've become very irritable and negative recently, everything that is said and done I have a cynical and bleak response to. 

Now I'm sure that this has a good deal to do with my current state of ill being and frustrating confinement, however, that is no excuse and I'm determined to regain control, mind over matter etc, I might not be able to control my body's energy levels right now, but I do have a say on how my mind reacts to and copes with it. 

I'm admitting to this because, admitting that there's a problem is the first step to solving it. I admit that I've become very judgemental, which is shameful when I pride myself on being the opposite. I've become pessimistic, gloomy and antipathetic towards everything, even things that I have no experience or specific knowledge in, which makes me annoying, arrogant and very ignorant, ironic when they are the traits I moan most about! 

I'm not this person, I don't want to be; the moaner, the Debby-downer, the glass always half empty. I want to be a motivator, a dreamer, a never stop believer... 

But it's a very hard habit to break, but I'm going to try; I'm going cold-turkey on moaning and groaning, instead I'm going to challenge myself to always respond or find something positive, uplifting, the glass half full, everyday in every situation because that is infinitely more efficacious! I want to call it No Moan November, except I'm starting 2 months early. 

Now to some of you, this might seem silly, positivity might come easily to you, but if you're like me at the moment, and find yourself being too defeatist too often, I challenge you to join me in abstaining from complaining, even when it's raining, so to obtain less mental strain and be happy again... And yes I know I sound insane!

A Spanner in the Works

Hello Lovely Readers, 

I haven't written a post for a while, but today I found myself inspired. 

For those of you who don't know, 2 months ago I got Glandular Fever, not an uncommon virus but a rather unpleasant and incredibly infuriating one. I had to stop, everything. Which for me isn't easy, I like doing things, I am an active person, not to say I don't enjoy an occasional pyjama day watching TV box sets, but when suddenly I found that was all I had the energy to do, it sucked. I felt trapped, I'd thought being confined to Ashby de la Zouch was bad, now I was restricted to my house. I know I sound dramatic but I've been stuck by myself with too many TV dramas for company, so please excuse me! 

I have a firm belief that everything happens for a reason, I always have and I always will, but this one really stumped me. I know all to well that sometimes you have to wait for hind sight to understand, I'm still waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Not something I do well, not something I like. At all. Patience is something I've continually been challenged in, but never as much as this. When there's nothing to do, nothing to combat it with, nothing to change it. Just wait. Don't fight it. Just wait to get better. It really goes against everything I am, I fight through things, I determine myself to push through, I get up and do as much as I can, travel as far as I can. "Live life to the full" "Carpe Diem" but days flew by and weeks flew by they ran into each other each one as equally insignificant as the one before and the one after it just the same. Again I apologise for the melodramatic, it's just the best explanation. You know when you're trying to fall asleep at night but your mind won't rest, well imagine that all day everyday, starts to send you insane after a while! 

I needed to do something, anything other than just lie in bed watching TV, a friend brought me a colouring book, which was wonderful, it was relaxing and peaceful, and this started me on a creative idea, I moved from colouring to painting, inspired by frequent Pinterest searches, and came up with a design for 3 canvas paintings for our lounge. I've never been much of an artist, if you asked me I'd say I can't draw (see my storyboards for proof) but I found painting to be something that I could create and could say I was proud of.

Today we put them up on the wall, and for the first time I saw something good come out from my being ill, I'm not saying I've found the reason, I'm still waiting on that, maybe it was a time to teach me to wait, maybe there's something more (I hope so, it's a mean teaching method if not).
Anyway, things are looking up, I've started working again, just from home for now, it's a blessing that I have a job, that I enjoy, which I can do from home. And although this is something that I know takes time to heal, hopefully I'll be doing more very soon...

Taken for Granted

It's amazing, isn't it, the things we take for granted, even things we can't, physically, live without. I've spent the evening touring the midlands in search of enough water to get my family through the night, and suddenly, when something that usually is so instantly and easily available now is so unobtainable you become shockingly, aware of your complete and total dependance on it. 

Part of Derbyshire and Leicestershire have been warned by severn trent to not use the water for anything, this means no drinking, no boiling, no washing and no flushing the toilet! On average, a single person in the UK uses over 150 Litres of water a day! Water is an essential part of us, our very bodies are 83% water. And yet how much do we take it for granted! It flows out of a tap, and we use it (a lot of it), we've got so comfortable with that, we don't even think about it, until suddenly it's longer there. 

And yet, there are those in the world for whom the panic and desperation, the travelling further and further away seeking water, that a lot of us experienced tonight, is more familiar to them than the impossible idea of turning on a tap and out flows more than enough clean water. 783 million people in our world do not have access to clean water, yet we use 50 Litres just to have a shower. Well not tonight we won't. It certainly puts our water crisis into perspective. 

We don't know yet how long this water warning will continue, it may be fixed tomorrow, or it could go on much longer, but perhaps when you're thinking of us in the midlands, or if you are also affected and you're running round like a mad chicken trying to find bottled water, just spare a thought and a prayer for those 783 million who can't even hope for the tap to be turned on tomorrow morning.

Human

Human

Let me tell the tale
Of a girl who didn’t stop,
Who climbed up every mountain
Without a pause upon the top.
She’d dance until each blade of grass
Was clothed in drops of dew,
And the sun knew her by name
But the silver moon did too.
For a fear had settled in her bones;
A fear of sitting still,
That if you’re not moving forward
It must mean you never will.
When in time her dance got slower
And she looked at all she’d seen,
She found gaps in the places
That she’d never fully been,
For she was a human doing
Human moving, human seeing,
But she’d never taken time
To simply be a human being.
~e.h

I came across this poem on Pinterest last night and couldn't get over how accurate and poignant it was.

Erin Hanson has so many beautiful poems relating to a points that we're often to afraid or blind to admit or comprehend on our own. This particular fitted me perfectly for where I'm at. 

Having come to a very sudden stop and stand still it's hard to see how I'm going to start moving again. Looking around and trying to convince myself that "nothing is wasted" that "this is where you need to be right now", I struggle to make sense of it all. But perhaps this poem hits the nail on the head. Maybe I have a fear of sitting still (patience never was my strong point). Maybe this is a time to face that fear, that doesn't mean being lazy and doing literally nothing. It means taking this time (whatever length that is) to just be a human being. 

My everyday aim for this life is to live it, however, sometimes when we're so busy "living" our life we loose ourselves. We all need times of quiet to just be still and be us.

The Big 2 0

Hello my lovely readers, I hope you're all well and happy!

Well it's that time of year again for me when I add another year to my age. 20 isn't exactly a special age, compared to for example: 1, 18, 21, 50 or 100, but it's the end of the era known and feared by all: the 'teens'. 

I'll always be the first to say 'age is just a number', well maybe after my Grandma who doesn't let anything stop her from bungee jumping or tobogganing down from the Great Wall of China, and I will never let my age prevent me from living my life. Even if that means acting like I'm in my 30s when I'm a teenager (or even 70s - I can act like a grandma myself sometimes), or having fun and feeling free like a teenager when I'm in my 40s, 60s or when I'm 90!

Life is too short to be limited by anything, let alone just a number (for the Mean Girls fans out there, we all know that "the limit does not exist").

Now there are a lot of things wrong with being a teenager, it's when you realise that life sucks, (there are "highs and lows" as my Dad just corrected me) and a lot of crap happens - mostly in a concentrated place known as high school- plus a lot of changes and big decisions take place, not to mention the exams, I mean, come on whoever thought that was fair! The worst phrase you can ever say to a teenager: "this is the best time of your life" - cause that really doesn't make the future look promising!

But you know what, now that I can look back, a lot is good about being a teenager, apart from the fact that there is a lot less to worry about, it can be ONE of the best times of your life if you make it one. It's a time to make mistakes and to learn from them, a chance to grow, to try new things, opportunity to discover and create yourself, and to try and work out who you want to be.

And in the spirit of "age is just a number" who says all that discovery has to be limited to between 13 and 19. Life is about discovery and creativity so don't stop doing that just because you're not that age anymore, I'm not just because I turned 20. And who knows maybe this will be the "the best time of my life."